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  Turning on the smell-o-vision for my cat (its the screen door facing the patio)

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  I was about to give a homeless guy $5, but a passer by said he would just spend it on drugs. I reconsidered and said "ok, I'll give you the money, but you have to show me where you get drugs for only $5!"

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  I haven't done much with it, but I did actually manually build a kubernetes cluster on 3 VMs, named curly, larry, and moe. Part of the vague architecture plan was to set up PXE booting of worker nodes, i.e. "LAN party super computer"

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  I bet the machine they're raging against is an inkjet printer

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  Begging my cat to be normal and start begging for food and stealing it off my plate, instead of only being interested in eating hair ties and puking them up in my office.

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  "Why can't you be normal?!?" "MRroOwwRr!" *cat hopping sideways across apartment at 3am*

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  The two biggest lies I was repeatedly told in school were that I wouldn't always have a calculator in my pocket, and that the United States government is a system of checks and balances.

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  Betazoid dominatrix

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  Ok, this needs a little more work, but I thought it was funny #monsterdon

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  cat: MEOW! me: Whats that boy? cat: MEOW! mrow meow moow! me: Oh no, Timmy fell down the well again?! cat: Meow! me: did you push him? cat: ... meow

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  @Taweret@timeloop.cafe Fedi is only mostly neurodivergents, and we segregate all the normal people on normal.style

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  "Hey, my girlfriend and I noticed you on your laptop from across the bar, and we really hate your vibe coding." *places Learning Python, 5th edition, from O'Rilley Media on the bar* "Try harder."

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  I'm trying vide coding! *places git repo in a plastic bag and tosses it into the hot water bath*

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  Consider the decimal number 15941 Converted to base 36, it is CAT Converted to base 35, it is D0G

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  @catsalad If I encountered this cat, I'd mostly be surprised it talked and not that its levitating, I've always kind of suspected they can defy physics when they want to.

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  "we are being hunted Rest in peace Charlie Kirk" On the back of a Harley trike thing Missed my chance to yell "I shot Charlie Kirk" at him. Fucking losers.

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  This is wild yet refreshing, I just looked at a service and clicked through to their signup page, and it has options: - 30 days, non renewing, one time charge - 1 year, non renewing, one time charge - 30 days, auto-renewing, billed until cancelled - 1 year, auto-renewing, billed until cancelled Oh wow, I can just give you $10 to try it for a month, and not have to remember to cancel? Friendly!

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  This meeting could have been a fight in the parking lot.

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  What types of content do you enjoy most on fedi?

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  "You all don't understand, I'm not trapped in here with you, YOU'RE TRAPPED IN HERE WITH PAGLIACCI!"

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  To be fair to the NYT, the "A" in a lot of acronyms does stand for America, such as: AITA: Am I The American? LMAO: Laughing My American Off ATM: American To Mouth

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  BOOOBS

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  Logging on like...